Read on and I hope you enjoy this little sneaky peek!
Chapter
Sixteen
Maddie couldn’t sleep. All she’d been doing for at least the last hour was tossing and turning and she still wasn’t any closer to the blessed relaxation that seemed determined to elude her. She needed to relax to get her mind to drift off to dreamland. Frustrated, she looked at the clock on her phone. It was after one in the morning, and there was no way she was going to fall asleep unless she could relax. All the information she’d taken in during the day was swimming in her head and she just couldn’t turn her brain off to get some rest. It was a problem that she frequently had when she was under stress, overwhelmed, or trying to solve a tough issue. Usually reading helped to refocus her brain, but nothing was working tonight. If she’d been at home, she would have taken a swim, but since the atriums here were so nice she decided to take a walk through the peaceful and beautiful plants and foliage in an attempt to put her mind to rest. She threw the covers back and got out of the bed. Her yoga pants and t-shirt would work for a walk through the atriums this late at night. She slipped her feet into her Croc flip flops and headed for the door to the bedroom.
She walked out into to living area of the suite and saw Neil on the couch flipping channels.
“Hey.”
He turned at looked at her, “Hey, my darling. I thought you were asleep.”
“No such luck. My brain just won’t shut off tonight. I need to walk.”
“You want me to come?”
“No. I really need to just wander and think. I doubt if my stalker knows that we’re here since we didn’t even know until two days ago. I’ll be fine.”
“Ok. But take your phone. Put my number in that phone you have with you and text me if you need me. I swear I will lose the number after we get back to the house.”
“Yeah. That’s a good idea.” She walked back into her room and snagged the phone off the nightstand and walked out to the main doors. “Later.”
As soon as Neil heard the click of the door, he pulled out his phone and his fingers flew over the keys.
Neil: She just left for a walk. See you in the Garden Conserv in about 20.
Lucas: Not a problem. I hope this works.
Neil: I’m sure it will. She has no idea.
Neil stood up and shoved his phone into his pocket then he grabbed the keycard off the table and walked out the door. He knew where Maddie liked to walk and he’d given her enough of a head start that she wouldn’t see him and get mad. He had a smile on his face as he walked out the door. He couldn’t wait to see what was about to happen.
**********
Maddie wandered the paths through the Delta atrium. She was headed to the Garden Conservatory, which was her favorite of all the gardens in the massive hotel. She loved all the little hidden paths it had and the little waterfall. There was also a beautiful gazebo that had a little pool with a fountain under it. She could find a bench there and get lost in the foliage while she thought through everything and tried to relax.
She walked down the path next to the Old Hickory Steakhouse. In all of the times that she had Ellie had come here and walked these paths during the Christmas holidays, she had always wanted to eat there. The building and foliage reminded her of a miniature Old South Mansion. As a history teacher, she’d always loved the antebellum period. The entire period just seemed larger than life with ladies wearing dresses that were fitted on the bodice with skirts that seemed to swirl out widely from their bodies creating the illusion that they were bell shaped while their hair was put up in ornate curls and coiffures that defied gravity and simpering with their fans while well-dressed gentlemen always acted with courtly manners and gentility. It seemed such a chivalrous façade to hide the simmering tensions and debauched deeds that were a part of the Old South that simmered just beneath the surface. She could picture all the nastiness encased in fine glass that when cracked would explode with all the seething, boiling cruelty and malice ready to seep out.
It was amazing to her that if you looked into anyone’s life, it was almost the same. People could only see what was on top of the frosted glass in her world. She only allowed them to see the surface. She never allowed anyone to crack the glass and see what existed on the other side. All her fears, insecurities, and untouched desires were hidden there and she was afraid that anyone who saw them would turn and leave her in a flat second. She was tired of being left, and it seemed as if everything that she kept inside was coming up to a roiling boil and it was just a matter of time before the glass shattered and everything was exposed.
She wanted to be with Lucas, but she was scared, almost terrified, to let him see all of the crap that she kept locked up tight inside. All of those things, good and bad, that had such a profound effect on her life since childhood and she never let them out for fear of what would happen if she did. Scared of getting involved and watching him walk away like everyone else in her life had seemed to do over time. Mostly scared of letting go and releasing all of the feelings and emotions she had buried so deep inside her for so long that she had managed to convince herself at times that they no longer existed. She wasn’t a person who took a lot of risk. Hell, Ellie was right when she said that Maddie didn’t even spend much of the money she earned. She didn’t. After doing without for so long and struggling to keep her head above water, she couldn’t take the risk and have it all disappear, but the situation with Lucas was different. Was she ready to give him a chance and take a risk on a relationship with Lucas? Could she open herself up to him and put away her fears? Would she be able to survive when he inevitably walked away like everyone else?
She wandered into the Garden Conservatory and walked down one of the paths that led to the small waterfall that was her favorite to sit under and think. Her mind was still whirling. She meandered around the trail and took a seat on the bench beneath the rock outcropping and watched the water fall from the ledge above her. She leaned forward and put her head in her hands. He had made some mistakes, but after talking to Mark, she believed she understood his motivations better. If she was honest with herself, it had been obvious that he liked her three years ago and still felt the same when they met again.
She was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, but was she willing to risk being burned? She was really afraid of dying in the flames, but the incredible thing was that the flame that she was drawn to when she was near him was not purely sexual, but something much deeper and profound. She had never experienced anything like it. However, she was not going to ignore that the sexual craving she experienced when they were together was potent and she was more than willing to get singed just to have a taste of him.
She wanted to be with him because he made her feel desire and passion, along with feeling safe, warm, and cherished. Those were feelings she had never felt around a man before. No man had ever made her feel so desired and wanted, and she felt that so intensely every time Lucas touched her, kissed her, and looked at her. There was a part of her that knew she could let down her guard with him and let go, but the deep seated fear that existed in her heart kept that part reigned in. She wanted to let go of it completely and somehow, she instinctively knew he would catch her if she fell. She did feel that sense of peace, safety, and comfort with him and she realized that she had to give him a chance. What if it turned out that he was different from all the others? There was only one way to know for sure, and she was just going to have jump in and give a relationship with him a chance. What if he was the one person that could be that partner she spent a lifetime longing for? Neil was right when he asked if she was willing to let that possibility walk out the door and watch as it disappeared forever?
She was sitting there for a while lost in her own thoughts and listening to the beautiful guitar music wafting through the sound system. All of a sudden the notes became clear and she instantly knew the tune. The song was Lost Love. She tilted her head and realized that the music had changed and was getting louder. She stood up and walked down the path toward the back of the garden conservatory where the gazebo was.
The music was getting louder the closer she got to the open area. She wandered around a corner in the path and the gazebo came into sight.
She was overwhelmed and utterly speechless at what she saw in front of her. She blinked to be sure he wasn’t a mirage her eyes and mind had created while she was thinking about him. Nope, Lucas was here – sitting on the edge of the pool under the gazebo playing his guitar. He slowly looked up and as she once again gazed into those stunning blue eyes, she knew she was lost. The moment he saw her, he flashed that megawatt smile and she melted inside. He was really here, and after a week of not seeing him, she felt her heart lift and begin to beat madly in her chest.
She couldn’t help staring at him. He looked so wonderful sitting there playing his guitar. He looked just like he had when she met him three years ago and her heart did a funny little flip flop. He was wearing a dark blue t-shirt that stretched enticingly over those broad shoulders outlining that amazingly etched chest and his fingers moved fluidly as he played the notes on his guitar. His faded jeans were almost white at the knees they were worn so much. His dirty blonde hair was shaggy with those loose curls she longed to run her fingers through again and he was clean shaven. He was the Lucas that existed in her most cherished memories from that night so long ago and now he was here….waiting for her.
**********
Lucas felt her presence as soon as she walked around that last corner in the path, but he kept playing the song. He looked up and smiled when he saw her. She was classic Maddie with her royal blue yoga pants with a Gator head and Florida going down her left leg and a faded orange t-shirt with that same Gator logo prominently displayed across the front. Her long curly brown hair was pulled up in that sloppy ponytail she preferred when she slept. Her whiskey brown eyes were gazing at him with excitement and confusion. She looked as if she didn’t believe that he was in front of her. God, she was breathtaking every time he saw her, especially when he saw her like this, and like a punch to the gut it hit him just how much he had missed her. He knew it, he just hadn’t realized how badly until that second when he saw her again. He instantly knew he had found everything he had ever wanted, and he was willing to do whatever it took to keep her with him. As he watched, her eyes lit up and those beautiful full lips broke into a huge smile while she moved into the clearing, getting closer to where he sat and played the song he had created for her after they first met.
He finished the song and sat his guitar in the case at his feet before he stood and slowly walked over to her. When he stood in front of her, he realized how nervous he actually was. He wasn’t even this nervous on a stage in front of 60,000 screaming fans, but they didn’t have the power to crush him if they walked away like this one woman did. His heart was thumping so hard that he thought it was going to break free from his chest and run off. All of a sudden, the light scent of lavender floated around him and he just breathed in the wonderful scent that was the essence of Maddie. It was like she was encircling him in a soft, warm, sweet hug. Almost instantly he felt a calm come over him, and he knew he had the strength to get through whatever came next, as long as she was here with him.
Her brown eyes were wide and questioning as she looked up at him, “What are you doing here?”
He gave her a slight smile as his weary eyes took in the beautiful face of his angel, his Maddie. He knew he could spend the rest of his life looking at her and it would always be like that first time he saw her. She was entrancing, an enigma that he knew he would willingly spend as long as it took to learn all the facets that were his Maddie. “I came here to see you. Angel, I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea. I just want you to know that I’m so incredibly sorry for everything that happened and the role I had in all of it, now and three years ago.” He took her shaking hands in his. The urge to kiss her came over him in a wave, but he knew that timing was everything with Maddie, so he could wait.
“I know. I have a better understanding now of why you did what you did, but it doesn’t take away the simple fact that it hurt…terribly. It felt like you didn’t care and couldn’t trust me.”
He shook his head. “No, oh God. No, absolutely not! Never. That was never the reason. I care about you so much, but I understand how it all looked and I take the blame for that…for all of it. I know that I hurt you deeply, and I want you to know that I would never do that on purpose.”
“But you didn’t give me a chance. Why didn’t you just come to me as yourself? I would have listened to you. Yes, I was upset, but it was also three years ago, and honestly, I wanted to see you again.” She looked up at him with her eyes filled with tears and he felt the pain of her words reach his heart.
“I never should have started the whole thing, but I didn’t think that you would talk to me because of everything that happened the last time. That’s why I didn’t try to find you sooner. I wasn’t thinking when I came up with that ridiculous plan. After I found out exactly who you were and where you were, I just wanted to see you again, but as we spent more and more time together, I was in so deep I simply couldn’t figure out how to tell you. I just got scared….really scared. I didn’t want you to leave, not after I finally found you again and was given the chance that I thought I lost three years ago when you walked out of that pub. I kept telling myself I was waiting for the right time, but the truth is that I just got scared and couldn’t face the situation I had created. However, when I did finally decide to do it, damn if Mark didn’t walk in and open his mouth. All of a sudden, everything I never wanted to happen was transpiring right in front of me and I couldn’t help but watch as everything blew up in my face.”
“I know should have stayed and listened to you, but my brain just began to replay what happened in that pub….”
“I know. What Mark said that night was cruel and totally uncalled for, and I told him that after you left. I wish you’d never heard any of it….I just want you to know I never felt that way.” His hands dropped to her hips and he pulled her close as his voice dropped to almost a whisper. “Do you remember when we were dancing that night? Right after I kissed you on the dance floor, you whispered, ‘Have you ever felt invisible?’“
He saw a small look of shock cross her face before she said quietly, “You heard that? I said it out loud? I feel like that so much, but I don’t think I’ve ever said it out loud, much less told anyone that.” A tear ran down her cheek and he brushed it away with his thumb.
“I heard it, and I want you to know that you were never invisible to me. You captured my attention the moment I saw you, and I adore every curve you have and I liked them then. I was drawn to you as soon as you walked in the door of that pub, and I knew I had to talk to you. When we started talking, I got an added bonus when I realized what an amazing woman I found. You are not only beautiful, but intelligent, funny, and sweet, as well. You had my attention the minute I saw you and you haven’t left my mind or heart since then. You’ve been right here for three years.” He took her hand and pressed it over his heart. “I’ve spent three years looking for you and wanting you. You need to trust me and know I will always see you. You can be invisible to other people, but my heart will always see you.” His hands came up to frame her face and he leaned down and gave her a soft, sweet kiss and whispered his words of apology as his lips hovered over hers. “I know that I hurt you deeply and made you doubt the trust you placed in me. But I promise you that I will never do that again and I intend to do everything I can think of to earn back your trust and faith in me.” He pulled back slightly and watched her eyelids flutter open and he was once again looking deep into those beautiful whiskey colored eyes that had entranced him the second he saw them. “Maddie, my sweet angel, can you forgive me?”
He watched as several more tears ran slowly down her cheeks. He felt her sadness fill him as one fell onto the hand that was still holding hers pressed to his heart. “I do forgive you, Lucas, but please don’t hurt me again. I just don’t think I could bear it. I’ve missed you so much, and you have no idea what went through my head. I’ve been hurt so many times. My heart wears every one of the scars like badges you can’t get rid of and my mind finds it impossible to let go of each betrayal. I’m really scared that I’m going to open up to you and let you in, but in the end, you’ll walk away just like everyone else has. I want to open up to you, I truly do….but I’m really afraid and it scares me to get too close to someone.”
He took his finger and lifted her chin so her beautiful eyes were locked on his before he said with all the sincerity and conviction he possessed, “My sweet Maddie, I promise I will never willingly hurt you again. I will never walk away from you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here in your arms and that is where I want to be. I get that you’re afraid and I understand why, but I swear that if you put your faith, trust, and hope with me, I will treat it with the respect and reverence a treasured gift like that deserves. You are my angel and being with you is where I need, want, and intend to stay. I know I’ve made mistakes…big ones, and I probably will make some more in the future, hopefully none that even compare to what I’ve already done,” He smiled at her and she gave a little laugh, “but never question the fact that with you is where I’m meant to be. Right here, holding you and kissing you and just being with you.”
He watched as her features softened and a slight smile bloomed on those luscious lips, “I want you to know that I enjoy being with you so much. You can calm all my worst fears about myself and you have an ability to see me like no one else does. I want you to know that I’ve been thinking a lot about everything that’s happened between us, past and present, and I realized that there has to be a reason that we keep finding each other. Some things in life were just meant to be, and I believe that I was meant to be with you. I feel such a connection with you like there’s an invisible thread that just ties me to you. I can’t explain it any better than that.” She looked up into his eyes and taking his hand, she pressed their joined hands against her chest. “I want us to see where this goes. I’m willing to take the risk, because I believe you’re worth it. I can honestly say I’m ready to try and open myself up to you. Lucas, I want to be in a relationship with you.” He almost came undone when he saw the tears return to her beautiful eyes, but he knew this time they were tears of relief, happiness, and joy at her expressing her decision to be with him. The magnitude of what she said was not lost on him. She just made a huge step and he treasured every single syllable. He was determined to show her how every single day how much that gift meant and how truly precious she was to him.
When the tears overflowed and slid slowly down her cheeks, he gently wiped them away and gave her another soft, deep kiss, lingering on those sweet lips that he could kiss forever. Kissing her and touching her was such an aphrodisiac to him, and he hoped he never got used to it because the feeling was so powerful and incredible. He just wanted to bury himself in her and never come up for air. “Angel, those are the sweetest words anyone ever said to me. I want to be with you so much. You really have no idea.” He looked at her with a questioning look, “Will you come back to my room with me so we can talk some more?” He looked at her with hope in his eyes. He knew that even though they’d fixed things, he still had a long way to go to earn back all of her trust, but he just wanted to be with her, to hold her, kiss her, breathe her in, and wrap himself around her.
His world lit up when a radiant smile spread slowly across her face as she looked back at him. “Yes, but I need to let Neil know. He’s waiting up and I don’t want him to worry.”
“It’s ok, my angel. I think he knows.” Lucas looked over her shoulder back toward the path that brought her to him and motioned with his head for her to look. When Maddie turned her head slightly, she saw a smiling Neil standing on the path at the edge of the walkway leaning casually against a lamp post with his hands in his pockets.
“I take it you had something to do with this?” She gave him a look with her eyebrow raised and then smiled.
“Yes, as a matter of fact I did, and I couldn’t be happier, my darling.” He leveraged himself away from the lamp post and winked at her. “You two have a nice evening. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He turned and began walking back up the path.
“Thanks, Neil.” Lucas called out and Neil waved over his shoulder.
Lucas leaned over and picked up his guitar case before he reached for Maddie’s hand. “Come on. I haven’t slept the same since you’ve been gone. You can’t leave me to sleep on my own again.” He smiled at her as he pulled her hand up and kissed her knuckles.
“I can live with that plan.” She gave him a saucy smile as Lucas pulled her next to him, wrapped an arm around her waist, and they began walking up the path to head to his room.
Scent of Lavender
Part Two
will be available
February 21, 2014!
Scent of Lavender – Part One
is now available
from your ebook retailer.
from your ebook retailer.
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